I push the button for the elevator. The elevator arrives. There is no one in the elevator. I do not get in.
As soon as the elevator door closes, I push the button again.
On average, it takes the elevator 90 seconds to complete its trip to the other floors and the lobby before returning. My son and I live on the 26th level of our building. This time when the elevator arrives, there are two people in it. Having seen them before, I believe they are our neighbors. We nod at one another but do not speak. I wait until they walk down the hall before pushing the elevator button again.
I have repeatedly been pushing the elevator button for about half an hour now. Usually there is no one in the elevator when it arrives. I want the elevator to be on our floor of the building when my son comes out of our apartment. There is no reason for him to have to wait for the elevator. That’s why I improve the likelihood that the elevator will be on our floor when he shows up. My son is busy, a senior in high school. He has no time to squander waiting for the elevator. That’s why I repeatedly push the elevator button.
Our driver is also ready downstairs. The car is in the circle outside the door of our building. Sometimes there are other cars with other drivers waiting behind our car and our driver. Frequently the drivers of these other cars are impatient. There is honking and the occasional altercation. Of course I don’t care. If those other drivers wanted to be first in line they could all also get up at four in the morning as I have instructed our driver to do. That way our driver is first and ready to take my son to school.
I am a reasonable person, have repeatedly asked the owner of our building to make more room so that more than one car can be first in the line. Similarly, I have asked that the building owner install more elevators so that an elevator would always be available for my son when he is ready to go to school.
I think the building owner may be avoiding me.
Which is so unfair.
I pay rent the same as everyone else. There is no law, nothing written down anywhere that says I can’t continue to push the elevator button to maximize the chance that my son doesn’t have to wait to be transported down to the driver.
Fortunately, the drive to my son’s high school takes less than a minute. I chose this building because it is only a hundred yards from the most expensive private school in the county. Recently I overheard one of the other moms suggesting that my son could walk to school, that walking would actually be faster than being driven. Hogwash! What an absurd suggestion! Imagine a son of mine walking to school rather than being driven. Next thing you know, some nosy parker will suggest that my son do his own homework rather than having me and my staff of tutors do it for him. Can you imagine. I would never allow my son to do his own homework. What an absurd idea. He might get a question wrong. And what would that do for his chances of being admitted to a top college?
What is a top college? Why the college that admits the fewest percentage of applicants. Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Columbia, and the University of Chicago all admit four percent of their applicants. I had been looking at The University of Pennsylvania, Duke and Vanderbilt for him, but it turns out that those schools admit five percent of their applicants. So The University of Pennsylvania, Duke, and Vanderbilt are off the list of acceptable schools. The day my son attends a school that admits five percent of its applicants rather than four percent is the day I would allow my son to wait for an elevator or walk a hundred yards to his high school.
It is beyond my understanding why anyone would attend a school with a high acceptance rate. The University of Colorado at Boulder, Arizona State University, Michigan State, the University of Alabama, and the University of Indiana at Bloomington all admit over 80 % of their applicants. Why would any sensible parent allow their child to attend such institutions? I firmly believe that in reality there aren’t actually any students on any of those campuses. I certainly have never heard of any graduates of those schools becoming noted oncologists and living on the 26th floor of my apartment building. I don’t speak to any of my neighbors of course, but I’m pretty sure that none of them are cancer doctors who attended any of those high-admit rate schools.
I would write more about the absurdity of attending any of those non-descript schools that admit practically everybody, but it’s time to push the elevator button again. Under no circumstances will I allow my child to wait for the elevator. It is a befuddlement to me how other mothers do such a lax job of raising their children.
