The Worst
Let’s start with the FDOT Toll-By-Plate scam. It won’t take more than a few short paragraphs to get back to our beloved children.
Every week or so, Patti and I get an urgent letter from an entity calling itself the “TOLL ENFORCEMENT INVOICE.” In big, official looking letters. The “Total Amount Due” varies, but not the implied urgency. From as little as $5.61 to the one we got yesterday for $1615.34, the implication is “pay now or die in jail.” Subsequent authoritative pages enumerate the “Lane”—where we allegedly were—the “Date”—this month and last—the “Time”—frequently hours after our household has long since gone sleepy-bye—and the “Amount”—usually a dollar or two for each entry. There were about 60 of these enumerated on this more recent—and I use the term loosely—“invoice.”
There is also an avert for Sun Pass, a genuine device that we do indeed own. The scam is sophisticated, I have to admit that. The blurry photograph of a car can barely be made out, the license plate especially obscured. Clearly the vehicle in the picture is not our car. But not all that clearly.
The type face appears authentic; there are instructions in Spanish, QR codes, links. The copy seems genuine: Doesn’t “Total Amount Due includes tolls and fee assigned to FDOT Collections” just sound like the kind of corporate law-enforcement-eeze that you’d expect from a legitimate state agency?
Of course, the entire six-page letter is a contemptible, immoral, despicable, complete and utter abomination of a scam. Maybe I should be less stunned and outraged. I can’t have my blood pressure go through the roof every time I see row after row of cancer-causing tobacco products at the market or drive by criminals on the corner hawking addictive opioids. Maybe this particular swindle just gripes me because elderly folk are more likely to be conned and, if I’m being truthful, it took me several minutes to determine that I don’t owe these slimeoids $5.61, $1615.34 or any other amount.
Indeed, the shameful hoax must be successful. Or the dirtweeds couldn’t afford to keep sending me all these execrable letters. Stamps alone cost $.82 not to mention the expense of paper, printing, envelopes, and staff to stuff ‘em. If the snotburgers weren’t making money with FDOT Collections, they’d go back to selling drugs at the middle school or sex trafficking.
What do mass marketing grifters have to do with raising healthy children in an unhealthy world? Only this: Your children have to trust you or they will be more susceptible to creepers. Your children have to respect your judgment. Your children have to understand that you will protect them from that which is dishonest, harmful, and scary. You must have near-perfect communication with your kids or they will seek connection elsewhere. Maybe your kids aren’t being targeted by fake toll collectors, but the dangers are as ubiquitous as they are real.
There are broadly speaking two schools of thought about how to ensure that your kids will listen to you rather than to those who would profit by doing them harm. One is “the beatings will continue until morale improves” school of thought. Long time readers will know that I am not a proponent of the “spare the abuse and spoil the child” paradigm. I prefer unconditional support as the way to bring up healthy kids. If you believe your children and believe in your children, they will have no reason to lie to you. If you accept them for who they are, they will have no reason to pretend to be someone else.
Someone will suggest through media or gossip that your kids avoid vaccinations, drink bleach, shine flashlights, ignore sound medical advice, make destructive decisions. The harmful “guidance” will come in the mail, on-line, from any and every direction. The FDOT is hardly the only group of boneheads dedicated to harming and profiting by taking advantage of anyone naive enough to fall for their refined shakedown.
And speaking of cars, an impaired adolescent is going to offer your child a ride. It’s not “if” but “when.” Nobody gets out of high school in 2026 without hearing, “c’mon, I only had a couple beersh, I’m fine to drive, whassa matter, you don’t trush me?”
Your child has to know that they can call you or call ride share. And the way they know to make that critical decision started years ago when they began to understand that they could tell you anything and be met with understanding rather than shame. The internet is replete with fraudulent swindles of which the above is hardly the most disgusting. There may be “a sucker born every minute,” but I’m with Wendell Phillips: “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.” Let’s all spend less time telling our kids who to be, more time keeping them safe.
